Still waiting...

With the turmoil of trying to have a child over the last 5 years... leading to us finding out in November last year that we won't be able to have our own biological child together... I have realised a few things. I am taking stock. Like I never used to before. I used to take things for granted...

'I would have a good education'
'I would marry a good man'
'I'd have lots of kids and be a good mum'
'I'd... I'd... I'd...'

... oops... reverse gear here! What was no. 3 again?

'God, did you forget no. 3 on my list?'

I thought he had. And for years it made me angry. Confused.

But, as I am coming to terms with my (our) grief in accepting we'll never have our own biological child, along with it comes a peace and a reprioritising. Not taking eachother for granted. Not taking our family (who all pray for us so much!) for granted. Not taking our health for granted - and this has hit me especially hard with my hospital admittance with my asthma (Today I sit with yet another chest infection... it was only a lil cold last week, but it becomes an infection so quickly due to my pathetic lungs).

Yes, they are pathetic. I'd sell them (give them away!!!) on ebay if someone would only take them...

But you know what? Even though my health is not that great currently, I still have my life. And my ever-loving and supportive husband. And my friends who care so much. My beloved family. And a God who loves me and takes care of me, in ways I often only realise retrospectively...

So Lord, even though we still wait on you to bring us our child... we thank you for your provision and love and faithfulness. Please forgive me for my selfishness and for taking my eyes off you...