Sunday, 21 June 2009

Father's Day blues

Throughout my life, Father's Day has brought me nothing but hurt and confusion. Opened the wounds. Re-living the sought-after dream of a dad that would start caring... and loving his offspring.

My own father left me (and my 3 siblings) when we were very young... and we never had a relationship with him - his womanising, drinking and unsavoury friends always coming first.

Thankfully I have a Lord and Saviour who has been my spiritual daddy all my life. And I have a mum who is 'da bomb' as Randy Jackson would say! She is my rock.

An earthly dad would have been nice though.

Last July my father died in Johannesburg at the tender age of 62 due to his rotten lifestyle. Liver and lung disease - his smoking and drinking caught up with him.

Even though he was never there for me and was a stranger in every sense of the word... my heart still bleeds... for 2 reasons:

(1) Now that he is gone, there is absolutely no chance of any kind of reconciliation with us kids. He doesn't know his grandchildren, or even our spouses...

(2) Where is he? Oh Lord I pray he looked to you in his eleventh hour and submitted to your grace.

I can only hope.

But I'll never know.

I had a step-father briefly as a young teen, he was a man on his own mission and has been married 5 times... I have a FIL now, and he barely acknowledges my existance, bar to offer me a drink. So I have never had a 'father figure' I could respect and look up to.

If you have a proper dad in the true sense of the word, one who holds you close and loves you like a proper daddy should - please do give thanks for him. Every day.


  1. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I am always delighted to "meet" someone new!!

    I am so sorry for your painful experience but so wonderful that you have met The Father, our wonderful God & Jesus, The Christ. our Savior. One of the MANY promises we have and stand on is in heaven "He will wipe away all tears."

    P.S. Wow, how blessed you have been to have traveled and been to so many places. We have traveled all over the U.S. (including Hawaii & Alaska) & Canada, a touch of Mexico and also Alcapulco, Mexico but never across the seas.

  2. Thank you for your care Susan, yes if it weren't for Jesus I would have little trust in the male specie as an authority figure in the home at all I have to say! And they say women are complex??

    My brothers are brilliant dads... my hubby will be (God willing) too one day. These are the men I look up to. Godly, mature and true.

    You have been all over the States! I do LOVE your country! Has had special meaning since my brother moved there. He married an American lass and they have 2 little kids now. He is actually being sworn in as an American citizen in July :)