Sunday, 21 June 2009
Father's Day blues
Throughout my life, Father's Day has brought me nothing but hurt and confusion. Opened the wounds. Re-living the sought-after dream of a dad that would start caring... and loving his offspring.
My own father left me (and my 3 siblings) when we were very young... and we never had a relationship with him - his womanising, drinking and unsavoury friends always coming first.
Thankfully I have a Lord and Saviour who has been my spiritual daddy all my life. And I have a mum who is 'da bomb' as Randy Jackson would say! She is my rock.
An earthly dad would have been nice though.
Last July my father died in Johannesburg at the tender age of 62 due to his rotten lifestyle. Liver and lung disease - his smoking and drinking caught up with him.
Even though he was never there for me and was a stranger in every sense of the word... my heart still bleeds... for 2 reasons:
(1) Now that he is gone, there is absolutely no chance of any kind of reconciliation with us kids. He doesn't know his grandchildren, or even our spouses...
(2) Where is he? Oh Lord I pray he looked to you in his eleventh hour and submitted to your grace.
I can only hope.
But I'll never know.
I had a step-father briefly as a young teen, he was a man on his own mission and has been married 5 times... I have a FIL now, and he barely acknowledges my existance, bar to offer me a drink. So I have never had a 'father figure' I could respect and look up to.
If you have a proper dad in the true sense of the word, one who holds you close and loves you like a proper daddy should - please do give thanks for him. Every day.